Anger management

By Alexander Lindsay

May 2008

We’ve all felt its presence at some time or other. That evil-faced gremlin called rage that can turn even the most placid Dr Jekyll among us into a devilish Mr Hyde.

Browsing through my newspaper the other day I was hardly surprised to read that it had slipped out of its cage once again to wreak havoc in a new incarnation: dog rage.

We’ve all heard of road rage, that illogical, uncontrollable urge to murder that takes possession of normally quiet-living beings the minute they sit down behind a steering wheel. But dog rage? That was a new one for me.

The story concerned screenwriter Andrew Davies, the man behind the adaptations of a raft of best-loved costume dramas from Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice to Charles Dickens’ Bleak House.

Davies was walking his “timid” German shepherd rescue dog when it got into an altercation with two Staffordshire bull terriers. The dispute escalated into a fracas in which the owner of the terriers head-butted Davies and punched him in the eye.

“It was dog rage,” said Davies. “He knocked me off my feet. He was a big guy and I am quite little.”

The incident left the renowned screenwriter nursing the mother of all black eyes.

There is no doubt that incidences of explosive rage, whether road, domestic, canine or other, are on the increase. In fact in that very edition of the newspaper was another prime and public example of someone throwing a wobbly.

This time is was by an acknowledged expert in the art of rage – supermodel Naomi Campbell.

The 36-year-old catwalk queen was in the arms of the law again after it was alleged she assaulted and spat at a police officer at London’s Heathrow Airport. She was arrested and handcuffed on a British Airways plane about to take off for Los Angeles. She spent several hours in custody at the airport’s police station and was released on bail.

Witnesses said she flew into a rage after staff told her that her bag was one of tens of thousands that had gone astray when the system at the airport’s new Terminal 5 went into meltdown.

Naomi’s temper tantrums are legendary. Last year she was convicted of beating her maid, Amanda Black, across the face with her mobile phone. She was sentenced to community service mopping floors at New York’s sanitation department…and turned up for work dressed to the nines in high couture. She was also ordered to take a course in anger management. Doesn’t seem to have done much good, does it?

What it is with these volatile celebrities and their phones anyway? You will recall that Oscar winner Russell Crowe also ended up being entertained by New York’s finest after clobbering a hotel desk clerk with a phone. He was charged with second-degree assault but settled out of court.

So we can now add phone rage to the list.

Come to think of it, there is a bit of that in all of us. Can you put your hand on your heart and swear you have never slammed a phone down in a fit of pique? Be honest now. Remember that plaintive, recorded “don’t hang up, we value your call” message after you’ve been hanging on for half an hour, pressing button after button, and listening to what sounds like Beethoven’s Ninth Symphony being played inside a biscuit tin? All while some customer services operator sits buffing her fingernails in a call centre somewhere in Bangalore.

If figures for road rage in Britain, revealed in a recent survey, are anything to go by, then the problem is much bigger than we think.
A staggering 16 per cent of drivers admitted to causing a road rage incident, while nearly half of all motorists said they had been a victim of a road rager.

Interestingly, 65 per cent believed that listening to certain types of music could initiate road rage. So try replacing the Guns ‘N Roses on your car player with a gentle, soothing Brahms lullaby. Although that could lull you into falling asleep at the wheel, causing you to smash into the car in front, thereby launching an even bigger road rage episode.

A whopping 70 per cent said that the type of car you drive can attract more attention from potential road ragers. Quite understandable. There’s nothing worse than being cut up by a smartass in an electric blue Aston Martin while you’re chugging along in your beige family saloon with the kids fighting in the back.

The number of incidents is thought to be nudging 10 million a year, and researchers believe the problem is much bigger than previously thought. And remember – the British are generally regarded as a pretty tolerant, cool-headed race. Imagine what it must be like in Italy. Doesn’t bear thinking about.

The top and bottom of it is that we all need to calm down and take things more slowly.

Some years ago I did an interview with the renowned lifestyle and business guru Robert Holden, who railed against what he calls the caffeine-supercharged approach to modern life.

His advice on staying calm: “If somebody makes a rude gesture at you in traffic, don’t say: he made me mad! Instead, realise that you chose to be mad.”

A cornerstone of his doctrine is that the only time that matters is now. “This moment is the precious moment – not tomorrow. The person I am interacting with now is the most important person,” he avows.

So wedded is he to this concept that he wears a unique wristwatch with no figures on the dial… just NOW… NOW… NOW where the hours should be.

Unfortunately on my way to meet him I got stuck on an unconscionable traffic snarl-up on Dubai’s Garhoud Bridge, and I confess I got pretty, pretty, mad. As a result I turned up late for his lecture – around half past NOW, I guess.

But he managed to soothe me with some of his lifestyle homilies…

“Too many of us are afflicted with a hurry sickness. There is too much speed without vision. Often it is a case of: we’re lost, but we’re making great time. We need to make space in the day for stillness.”

I left in a much calmer state of mind, full of the milk of human kindness for my fellow man.

Until trying to get back over the Garhoud Bridge I found the traffic stacked up in the opposite direction…Why can’t they get this *@#*&!! lot moving! Just look at that *!@#&!! trying to cut me up! How many *#@!*&*! lanes does he want?