Gatsby 2.0

Romance, Manners and the Modern Man

I was on a late night flight home from a modeling shoot when it happened. I had agreed to sit in the emergency exit seat in the aisle after looking around and deciding that, if necessary, I would open the door for these people.

My sleep, filled with dreams of saving passengers as the plane crashed into the sea, was disturbed not long after take-off when the man in front of me (next to the hostie seat) turned around and just started staring at me. You know how, even with your eyes closed, you can FEEL someone staring at you? Especially if they are 95 and have beard dandruff down the front of their black shirt?

Well I had the sense, so I opened my eyes just a little, and sure enough, there he was. Ol’ Frog Eyes, staring lustfully right at me. Eeewgh. I pretended not to notice, looking away and down to adjust the volume of my trusty iPod (the ultimate loser repellent. What did a girl do before iPod?). Throughout the flight I ‘played’ asleep even long after my iPod battery was flat (note to self – pack a Belkin spare next longhaul flight), fully aware of Old Froggy’s head-turning and the gross display of his right hand (in full view over the top of the chair) pretending to stroke a cat (which I’m sure was some vain attempt to turn me on – I was trying in vain to think of happy thoughts and balance my chakra).

I thought I was in the clear half an hour before we landed so I sat up when he caught my full eye contact, waved and then proceeded to hold up his newspaper, pointing to a full page advertisement. It said, in big letters, “A woman is nothing without her man”. Was he kidding? I am not an outright feminist, but how can he think that that was a romantic gesture? I nodded, uncomfortably smirked and went back to my fake sleep.

As the hosties were called to their jump-seat for landing, I watched the attractive girl sit down next to him and be inevitably drawn into a conversation. I managed to give her a knowing look, silently telling her if she needed me to save her, I had her back. To my absolute shock he presented the same newspaper article and she reacted, not with an eye-roll or a choke, but with flirty giggles and even asked if she could keep it as a memento of their first meeting. Moments later, they exchanged phone numbers. I had to question, what is going on in the world? I came to the conclusion that women have started to take whatever they can get when it comes to romance because you guys are completely clueless and any effort needs to be encouraged. Either that, or she has been in a cabin crew “women only” dorm for too long.

Anyway, I decided that romance and manners matters finally needs to be put straight, not from some overbearing, pole-up-the-butt, ruler-slapping, harder-than-lace-dipped-in-egg-whites granny – but from a sassy, young lass like me.

If you didn’t already know, courting rituals are rooted in medieval chivalry. During this time there was the birth of the infamous and terribly romantic Troubadour poetry which helped many young knights, inspired by love, win over their heart’s desire. The hearts of women have not changed throughout the past few centuries but their behaviour and dress has. Long gone are the days when you had to find your way through metres of theatre show curtain for a glimpse of her ankle. No, I think we have come along way making it fairly easy, so now it is possible for men to recognize the difference between our heads from our feet.

Encouraged by film, media and novels we are all nutured into the belief that true love comes included with romantic acts demonstrated throughout a relationship or marriage. Is this truly conceivable? Well, yes actually. It’s just that most men and women fail at this, making them more susceptible to turn to someone else that can play out their fantasies. The wonderful thing about having this information is that you can be empowered to keep your existing relationship alive or start off right with a new one.

If it’s love at first sight, sentimental love, spiritual love or forbidden love it all needs to be nurtured and protected. How do you do this without wearing green tights and a metal chest plate? Well, romantic thoughts used to be evoked through endless letter writing and poetry readings. Nowadays, black and white daydreaming is simply obtained through reading emails with live pumping love-hearts covering the screen, and mobile text plastered with lots of x’s and smiley faces. However, as pathetic as the modern day attempts are, they still have a way to give that mystical allure and giddy chemical love reaction which can take her by complete and irresistible surprise. Men are really lucky that they don’t have to endure what they did in Medieval and Victorian times.

When it comes to romance, it is important to look the part. Robert Redford in The Great Gatsby is a perfect example of the appearance you should be trying to achieve. Romantic men have an air of refinement, sophistication, and seem to move through life with ease. Your clothes have to reflect this Cary Grant type of attitude.

Choose pants and shirts that are cut beautifully or get them tailored to more fully highlight your frame. Places like Valentino will tailor free of charge. So if your shirt needs a little more shape don’t be afraid to ask. The romantic style does not mean that you have to wear suits and ties everyday like they did in the Sense and Sensibility days, it is fine to go for a casual, holiday style if you prefer. Although this season, menswear designers Les Hommes and Emanuel Ungaro have some amazing suits. Try to find shirts that are made of fabric which has a little movement to it so it coincides with an airy, relaxed feel.

The main point is to opt for cool colours and wear clothes that show attention to detail. When I talk about details, I am referring to the linings of jackets, the stitching and the pattern. Look out for Eredi Pisano suits, Paul Smith jackets and Hermes knits.

Smell good, a girl always notices. Using a shower gel instead of soap can help scent linger on your loins longer. Try a refreshing shower gel with scents like Verbena or Green Tea, you can buy these from L’Occitane en Provence.

Manners boys, manners! Sometimes I am surprised that we haven’t reverted back to the cave man days, where a man who saw a woman he wanted would simply go up to her, throw her over his shoulder and take her back to his cave. Yes, it would be less hassle but you wouldn’t know what you’re missing out on. Romancing a girl requires a lot of flirting which is fun, mentally stimulating and very rewarding. Anticipation is the key, not just for us girls. It makes me think of an old tribal custom for some Tahitian families, on their wedding night the bride and groom come together on the marital bed and just hold each other, naked, touching, and talking and kissing the whole night awake, until dawn breaks, and they…aaaah, where was I? Yes, in some cultures like Japan and Korea, men pay good money to just sit and flirt with a beautiful girl.

So, how do romantic men behave? Like the Tahitians obviously. But apart from that: They always open car doors (not just on the first date).

They pick their date up from their house and drop them home. They always let women go through a doorway before them. This way you show how much pride you have being in her company. It is tremendously flattering for a girl when a man lets her take the spotlight and shine before the crowd (even if she is shy she will be smitten with your attention). They stand behind a girl on an escalator going up, but in front of her on an escalator going down.

Romantic men will introduce her to his friends when they stop to say hello. It is extremely rude if you let her go unnoticed and she’s left standing twiddling her thumbs.

It’s not too old fashioned to pick up the check after a romantic meal or coffee. It is only polite to offer (at the very least). I know with all the information going around it may become confusing, however, if you follow this rule you will avoid offending anyone.

Complement her and surprise her from time to time with flowers, not just on special occasions. It’s simply one of the most romantic gestures a man can do. Instead of roses, (unless they’re her favourite) choose something a little more exotic, like orchids or lilies. If you are sending her flowers at work, which is generally going to score you points, make sure you send them in a vase, so that she doesn’t have to keep them in the office kitchen sink and take them home with her on the bus.

You may not be able to take her on a romantic picnic for another couple of months until the weather cools down, so why not cook for her at home. You know what they say, “A man that’s good in the kitchen, is usually good in the bed”. Find out what her favourite meal is and make a real effort. It may sound cheesy but it works: light some scented candles (not the cheap ones, try Zara Home) and play some music that’s soothing to the ears (avoid Barry White at all costs – Barry doesn’t drop anyone’s panties any more).

Perfecting the art of subtlety is what you should be aiming for. Putting time into the little things you do for her will show her how you feel. We can all get lazy some times, particularly if you have been in a relationship for a while. Massage her feet while you are watching TV or kiss her neck while she is busy washing up and tell her you love her. I am mortified when I spoke to a girlfriend recently who is ready to get married to her boyfriend of two years and have his babies when he hasn’t even vocally declared his love in words (ridiculous). She was not happy about it, she had simply lost hope.

To increase your charm, a failsafe way is to write to her, even if it’s on a post-it note stuck to the bathroom mirror or your pillow. You don’t have to be Shakespeare or Mahmoud Darwish to do so. You can even run her a bubble bath without her knowing. This is called being thoughtful and spontaneous, two important qualities necessary for a happy, healthy relationship.

If you decide to take her out somewhere for dinner or drinks, make sure you devote your full attention to her. There is nothing worse than seeing a bored couple in an amazing restaurant completely ignoring each other. If you are silent and distracted by the waitress or the couple sitting on the next table it means you either aren’t making a big enough effort or sadly there is no connection between you both. Attentive means that you should hold eye contact, ask open-ended questions and listen!

Do this and you should be well on your way to becoming a charismatic, romantic man we women all love to drool over.